Creating A Safe Place

Being around church people can get kinda frustrating for me sometimes. Especially when you hear the same slogans over and over again but nobody really knows what they mean (or they don't hold water!). For me one of those sayings is 'it's a safe place'. So I had to ask myself the other day - what exactly does that mean?

Some people would say that a safe place is a place that is free of fear, or the risk of being injured. You know, the kind of place were people won't condem, or judge, or make you feel stupid. Essentially it is a place were nothing negative will happen to you. And so you feel safe, or protected in that environment.

As I thought about what makes something 'safe' I had to opt for a more expansive ideas of what makes something safe - I believe that a safe place is not merely a place void of conflict and injury, but that it is a place of committed truth.

Let me explain...

My marriage is a safe place. What makes it safe? Is it because I never hear harsh words? No! Is it because my feelings never get hurt? No! Is it because I never blow up at my wife and have successfully avoided ever sinning against her out of anger? Most definitely not!! So what makes it safe? What makes my marriage safe is not that it is void of conflict and hurt, but that it is surrounded by a commitment to love one another.

Without commitment you can not have true safety. If I don't know that you will remain in relationship with me I will never be safe to share my true feelings. It's because I know my wife is not leaving me the moment I hurt her, or let her down, that I feel safe enough to share with her my disappointments, my frustrations and even say things that may hurt her feelings. But here is the money - that openness doesn't absolve me from the responsibility of my actions! If I say hurtful words, or act out of anger or sin, then I am responsible for those actions. And if I love my wife, which I do, I will need to ask for forgiveness for my unloving actions. But that is what makes it safe! Knowing that I can openly share my thoughts and emotions (no matter how ugly that may get) and that our commitment to healing, loving and forgiving one another will overcome the debre left behind.

That commitment also allows me to share my brokenness, struggles and dreams. Knowing that no matter how they are initially received, that over time they have the opportunity to be understood, embraced and cared for.

So I would suggest that a 'safe' place is characterized by three things - honest committed love.

(As I re-read this I couldn't help but think of the parallel found in 'safe sex'. The market place and governmental structures tell us that safe sex is about protecting yourself - wearing a condom! But wisdom tells us that the safest sex is between one man and one woman in a committed love relationship. It is not protected, it is intimate, real and vulnerable. There is a huge distinction between the two, with the greatest being this - wearing a condom may protect you, but it will also ensure that you won't produce any life. And a truly safe place should produce life not guard against it!)

So here's to the pursuit of creating truly safe places for people to find life!!!

Cheers!